Whatever Happened to Baby Crypto?
I’ve written about crypto before — whether it qualifies as currency (it doesn’t) and what it means that Wall Street wanted it in your 401(k) (nothing good).
Remember the movie “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?” A faded child star, past her prime, living in a decaying mansion off memories of when everybody loved her. Seems we’re in a remake.
The silence is deafening. No price alerts blowing up your phone. No laser-eyed tech bros on CNBC explaining why Bitcoin hits a million by Christmas. No segment at 11. No Wall Street analyst with a fresh price target. Just quiet.
The Number Nobody Is Talking About
Here’s the number nobody is talking about: crypto has lost nearly $2 trillion in value from its peak. The total market is down roughly 40% from its high. Forty percent. Gone.
Now try to imagine that math applied anywhere else. If the stock market dropped 40%, you wouldn’t be able to turn on a television without the latest news on it. There would be congressional hearings, Fed emergency meetings, and a presidential address. Every anchor in America would be doing their grave face.
Crypto just did it. Crickets.
Not one financial advisor telling you to hedge your portfolio with crypto. Not one wealth manager segment on CNBC. Not one “protect yourself from uncertainty” pitch. When inflation spikes, gold ads are everywhere. When markets wobble, bonds. Every real asset has a moment when someone tells you it belongs in your portfolio. Crypto has nothing to say for itself right now.
The banks and hedge funds that quietly bought in aren’t talking either. Nobody wants to explain that one to their investors or retail customers.
Crypto was never an asset class. It was a promotion. And promotions only work when the number is going up. When it stops going up, the promoters move on. There is no CNBC segment titled “Why Your Investment We Have Been Telling You About Has No Underlying Value.” There is no Wall Street analyst whose job is to tell you the emperor has no clothes. The coverage exists to sell the narrative. When the narrative stops paying, the coverage stops too.
What Is It Actually For?
So what is crypto actually for? Strip away the Web3 revolution talk and the DeFi-will-replace-banks pitch and the digital gold mythology, and you are left with two honest use cases. Moving money outside the reach of the law. And providing a banking system for people in countries cut off from the real one — your Venezuelans, your sanctioned states, your North Koreas and Irans. Those are legitimate needs. Did you add it to your portfolio for one of these purposes?
Everything else was marketing copy. Retail investors were the exit liquidity. They just didn’t know it.
The Trump Dimension
Donald Trump ran for president as the crypto candidate. The industry donated $238 million to get him elected — more than oil, gas, and pharma combined. They got a White House Crypto Czar, the dismantling of the DOJ’s crypto enforcement unit, and dropped investigations against Coinbase, Gemini, Ripple, and Kraken.
The Trump family built their own empire on top of it. World Liberty Financial collected 75% of all token sale proceeds — over $800 million in the first half of 2025 alone. A UAE-linked firm bought 49% of the company four days before the inauguration. A Chinese billionaire invested $30 million. His SEC investigation was subsequently dropped. They also launched $TRUMP and $MELANIA memecoins. Supporters bought in. Insiders cashed out.
Trump’s election triggered a frenzy. The market surged from $2.3 trillion to $4.3 trillion by October 2025. Then it collapsed — right back to where it was before the election crypto spent $238 million to buy. Pure hype, no floor.
Trump claims every stock market uptick as personal vindication. By his own logic, he owns this too.
Where’s the press conference?
The Circus Moved On
The promoters, for their part, have already moved on. No forwarding address.
The circus may come back to town. You’ll know.
Maybe crypto fades for good. Maybe it runs the hype roller coaster for another hundred years, taking on new riders every cycle. Or some of the faithful may never leave.
Dutch tulip bulbs only came back as a cautionary tale — another possible continuation.